Below is a personal ad I wrote up a few years ago that was actually popular on Usenet for a time.
And Ladies, I am still looking ;)
"Hi. I'm Sally Struthers. You may remember me as Gloria, from 'All
in the Family'. "
"Since then my career has gone nowhere and I've been
stuck doing doing messages like these for correspondence courses (like
how can you REALLY learn veterinary science via mail) charities for the
hungry, and now this, the 'ADOPT A SUB CAMPAIGN'. God. I have no self
"Meathead, he became a director, didn't he? And Archie got to star in other series. Hell, even Edith got to do popular Broadway shows. What do I get??!? The Sub Male Placement Service. Christ."
"Um..you will edit this bit out, right?"
[Sally takes a deep breath]
"Across the world there is a severe lack of dommes, or couples where the
female is domme for the countless legions of submissives who can do
nothing but dream and hope..."
[Image of a lonely sub licking an empty woman's shoe]
"Its a sad fact that for every domme there are at least 20-30
submissives aching to be at Her feet. Yes, it gives the domme a wide
selection, and its good for her, but for the unattached sub its a
lifetime of seeing himself be passed over....What are these subs to
[Sally looks into the camera, her 'caring' face on]
"Some give up their fantasies and become involved in sad, vanilla
relationships with someone who thinks oral sex is the kinkiest they can
handle...some run for Congress..others turn to us, the 'Submissive
"We provide loyal subs to dommes at NO fee, and no donation needed...."
[Sally tugs on a leash and Sydb comes into view. He's a tall 6'3
white male, 220 lbs, decently built but not developed. Long curly thick
dark-brown hair to the shoulders...piercing hazel eyes behind
john-lennon glasses, and an amused smile on his face]
[Sally brings him to heel]
"This is Sydb. He's a 28 year old sub male from southwest PA looking
for friends/potential owners. Open to any Mistress, or any couple with a
[Sally pulls out a vicious-looking crop. Sydb's eyes widen--this
wasnt in the script!]
"Sydb here is an experienced sub who has no intention or desire to top
from the bottom...lets put that to the test, shall we?"
[Sally smacks it down on his bare ass with an evil grin. Sydb yelps
slightly and moans, but stays there as she rains blow after blow on him]
[Sally kicks the sub away]
"Please...you, Mistress can give Sydb here, or any of our other subs the
happiness they need to keep from going 'postal'. Only REAL dommes or
couples with a domme may apply--no professionals, please."
[Sally rolls her eyes]
I've *GOT* to talk to my agent...*grumble*..*curse*...*mumble*
COMMERCIAL FADE TO BLACK
Ok, here comes the fine print. Funny bits aside, I am actually looking. However, I'd be less than honest if I didn't list the caveats.
1. My job keeps me pretty much bound (no pun intended) to SW PA. You'd have to be local, or visit.
2. I am not Mr. Right. I am already in a relationship, but its a vanilla one. Before you think I'm some jagoff trying to sneak around, and without boring you with personal history, let me just say that the lady and I recently just realized that we're BOTH subs, and as such, cannot fulfull each other's BDSM need, despite trying. So we are both looking elsewhere for that aspect of our lives with the blessing of the other.
3. There is no rule 3.
4. I don't want to catch anyone not drinking.
5. NO POOFTAHS!
6. All your base are belong to us.
All that aside, anyone who wants to stampede to their email program and drop me a line may do so at firstname.lastname@example.org.